tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53811582314090198112024-03-19T03:04:40.605-07:00Looking at LifeFunny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-45712948113090091722016-11-13T20:56:00.000-08:002016-11-13T20:56:05.875-08:00I am not aloneThis is a poem I wrote in March of 2012. It took me a bit of searching to find it again, but it's another one that I wrote when I was struggling with depression.
I am not alone
Thoughts begin to barrage me,
I can feel myself slipping;
Fighting back seems so futile,
And my tears begin dripping.
I hug myself close and pray;
I can't fight this pain and fear.
I feel scared and so alone.
Please Father, I need Thee here.
I'm surrounded by silence.
Why do my prayers go unheard?!
Why don't I feel the Spirit?
Do I lack faith in Thy word?
Thy words hold so much comfort:
"Fear not," Thou commandest me.
I need to trust Thy promise
that I'll be upheld by Thee.
As I ponder these scriptures
the seed so long ago sown
at last takes root in my heart.
I know I am not alone.
At times though strength will fail me,
I have faith in Thy commands.
"Be still and know...I am God,"
"for all flesh is in mine hands."
My faith becomes unshaken;
The Spirit makes my heart full.
"There's no doubt He hears your prayers,"
It now whispers to my soul.
I know now Thou art near me.
Thy words whisper from above,
"[For] I will encircle thee
[child], in the arms of my love."
Thou shalt "wipe away all tears."
Come, fight my battles for me.
With Thy strength I stand again.
My heart reposes in Thee.
Quoted (and other related) scriptures-
Joshua 1:5, 9
Isaiah 41:10, 13
Rev. 7:17
Rev. 21:4
D&C 6:20, 34, 36-37
D&C 84:88
D&C 88:63
D&C 101:16
D&C 105:14
The reason I like this poem so much is because when I wrote it I wanted to make it a chiasmus. It's not perfect (like...REALLY not perfect), but it was meant so that you could "fold it in half", leaving the middle paragraph as the main point of the poem. It's kinda like the first half of each line is me struggling, and the second half is either me not struggling, or the Lord talking to me. Here's how it reads -
Thoughts begin to barrage me, My heart reposes in Thee.
I can feel myself slipping; With Thy strength I stand again.
Fighting back seems so futile. Come, fight my battles for me.
And my tears begin dripping. Thou shalt "wipe away all tears."
I hug myself close and pray; "[rest] in the arms of my love."
I can't fight this pain and fear."I will encircle thee."
I feel scared and so alone. Thy words whisper from above.
Please Father, I need Thee here. I know now Thou art near me.
I'm surrounded by silence. It now whispers to my soul.
Why do my prayers go unheard?! "There's no doubt He hears your prayers,"
Why don't I feel the Spirit? The Spirit makes my heart full.
Do I lack faith in Thy word? My faith becomes unshaken;
Thy words hold so much comfort: "for all flesh is in mine hands."
"Fear not," Thou commandest me. "Be still and know...I am God,"
I need to trust Thy promise. I have faith in Thy commands.
that I'll be upheld by Thee, at times though strength will fail me,
As I ponder these scriptures
the seed so long ago sown
at last takes root in my heart.
I know I am not alone.
In a chiasmus the center is the most important point. For me, the most important thing is holding onto my testimony of the Gospel. It's what allows me to keep going.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-19413337886120579642016-11-13T20:24:00.001-08:002016-11-13T20:24:57.092-08:00ExperienceI can feel the darkness trying to take hold.
Just shake it off and smile, or so I am told.
But I'm so tired. It feels like the battle will never end.
It drags me down, tells me I'm alone with no friend.
But maybe the lie is that I need to feel loved to feel peace;
That if I have a best friend or a spouse, then the pain will somehow cease.
But believing that means I won't be happy until my course has been run,
Every battle has ended and the war has been won.
Though the darkness may be the thorn in my side,
Knowing in Whom I trust can help me stem the tide.
The darkness will still come, but I don't have to let it take hold.
I can feel peace here and now, because I'm part of Thy fold.
I wrote that today during church when I was having a hard time focusing. These last few weeks (and months) have been rougher for me in regards to depression then I've experienced for awhile now.
Elder Neal A Maxwell said, "By pressing forward hopefully, we can, repeatedly and joyfully, stand on what was yesterday's distant horizon, thereby drawing even further hope from our very own experiences. Hence Paul described how "tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope" (Rom. 5:3-4). Therefore, we rightly sing of God, "We've proved him in days that are past".
A few weeks ago I wrote the following about that quote -
For whatever reason this makes me think of my experience with depression. Sometimes the future feels impossibly or unbearable. But when I break out of that cycle I find new strength. Ad as that cycle comes back time and time again I learn to be patient with (and to love) myself in those dark moments.
Now when I'm down, sometimes the only thing I can hold onto is the knowledge that I will break through the darkness again, however long that may take. Experience tells me that the darkness won't hold me down forever. And that experience allows me to feel hope even in my darkest moments.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-60970190949313752502012-04-15T22:01:00.000-07:002012-04-15T22:02:07.063-07:00The One who UnderstandsThere is something I learned as a youth that I’ve always liked. Ready for this profound truth?! Here it is-<br /><br />“You can be an egg, or a carrot.”<br /><br />Yep. That’s it. And I love it!<br /><br />What it means is simply that when trials beset us, we can become hardened or softened. Like an egg or a carrot in boiling water, we won’t remain the same after trials come. Yet whether or not our hearts are hardened or softened depends on us.<br /><br />I was sitting in church today thinking that it is so easy to feel angry, alone, and overwhelmed when I focus on trials I am facing. I don’t see people around me struggling with their own trials. I am so zoomed in on my own problems that I lose sight of the path I want to be on and the people around me who need help. Everything I’ve ever done right in my life seems like wasted efforts, and all I see are my faults and weaknesses.<br /><br />I see a mountain ahead of me, and all I’m holding is a small garden shovel.<br /><br />Then I remember the story of a young man whom the Lord instructs to push against a large rock. He pushes and pushes for years, but the rock never budges.<br /><br />Finally, dejectedly he says, “Lord, I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even been able to budge that rock. What is wrong? Why am I failing?”<br /><br />The Lord responded compassionately, “My friend, when I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so?”<br /><br />“Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven’t moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in my wisdom. This you have done. I, my friend, will now move the rock.”<br /><br />Some trials the Lord doesn’t give us because we need to overcome them, but because through them, our hearts can become softened and our testimonies strengthened.<br /><br />Though at times we will feel so powerless and frustrated when we face seemingly insurmountable challenges, we need to remember that we don’t face them alone. There is One who understands.<br /><br />Our Savior has conquered every mountain that we have to climb.<br /><br />He has weathered every storm that will beset us.<br /><br />He understands us.<br /><br />Never feel alone. Never feel like your efforts are wasted. Keep climbing the mountain. You will reach the top one day. Don’t lose hope during the storm. It will end. Remember that it is not always about conquering your trials, but about who you are becoming because of them.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-12177291660167025172012-01-13T10:15:00.000-08:002012-01-13T10:16:11.263-08:00My Best FriendThere are so many things we want at different points in our lives: that awesome nerf gun the kid down the street got for Christmas, a new basketball, a puppy dog, money for tuition, a significant other, a new car, cheaper insurance, more grandchildren, etc....Of all the things I've ever wanted, the most consistent was my desire for a best friend. I just wanted someone who I could tell EVERYTHING to; someone who understood me perfectly and accepted me, faults and all; someone who would be there to share the good times and the bad times with me; someone to hug me when I was scared and to hold me tight when I cried. I use to pray and cry, pleading with the Lord to simply give me a best friend.<br /><br /><br />I have been blessed with amazing friends throughout my life. I know that the Lord placed many of them in my life for specific reasons. Many of them have been there to comfort me through hard times, to offer much needed counsel, to help me to laugh, and to give me that much needed hug. We have had crazy adventures together, made unforgettable memories, and laughed so hard together that we cried. Lessons my friends have taught me over the years have melded together with the lessons learned from my family, all of which have shaped me into who I am today. I am sooooooo grateful for those friends, and will never forget them nor the things they have taught me and the service they've rendered.<br /><br /><br />Yet, none of them can be there for me always. I find myself crying alone sometimes. I need a hug, and no one is there. Or when something wonderful happens, I can't share with them what happened because they live far away or are busy. I love my friends with my whole heart, but they can't be there for me always, and as much as I wish I could be there for them always, I know that I can't. I don't always have the right words to say to comfort them, the advice they need, or the means to solve their problems. Part of me wishes that I did, but the other part knows that I can't take the place of the One who is truly meant to be our Best Friend.<br /><br /><br />Our Savior is the only person who has lived on this earth who perfectly understands us. He is the only one who knows our every thought and desire. He knows the darkest parts of us, the things we hide even from ourselves. He knows the immense potential we have, potential that we can't even comprehend. He knows the fruits of our labors, the lives we have touched that we aren't even aware of. He loves us perhaps more than we will ever understand. We know that He shall "wipe away all tears from [our] eyes," and was sent to "bind up the brokenhearted" (Rev. 7:17, Isa. 61:1). He loves us each so incredibly much that He gave His life for us. I am so grateful for Him and for all He has done for me, and I am soooooo grateful that He can be there for my friends and comfort them if they let Him, because only He can heal their wounds. I stopped praying for a best friend a few years ago. Now I pray that I might always be an instrument in the Lord's hands, that I might help other people come unto my Best Friend and find their best friend in Him as well.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-37412455604236386112012-01-08T21:17:00.001-08:002012-01-09T12:03:47.363-08:00Friends....There are a few quotes in the scriptures about friends that I really like. The first is in Proverbs 27:17-<br /><br />“Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”<br /><br />The first time I read that quote I didn’t really know what to think of it, but the more I pondered it the more I liked it. Iron is sharpened by “slow, measured strokes until a rough, sharp edge has been revealed” (http://www.ehow.com/how-does_5611896_process-iron-sharpening.html). You don’t sharpen iron with one hard, swift stroke. It takes patience, time, and care. Likewise, friends don’t change you overnight. Slowly, over time, their influence transforms you. Their slow and measured strokes help you to reach a higher potential. I am so grateful for each and every friend I’ve had, especially those who over the years have continued to help me become a better person.<br /><br />Proverbs 27:6-<br /><br />“Faithful are the wounds of a friend….”<br /><br />This one stumped me at first too! Why would a friend ever want to wound another friend? Then I remembered a few examples from my own life of friends who hurt me when they were being honest and open with me. Corrections hurt, but when given by a loving friend who truly has our best interest at heart, those wounds are faithful. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for the correction my true friends have given me, and I’m grateful for the courage they had to wound me on occasion when I needed that correction.<br /><br />John 15:13-<br /><br />“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”<br /><br />Apparently another way to translate 'lay down' from Greek is ‘set aside'. “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man set aside his life for his friends.” What a beautiful thing it is to have friends who are willing to set aside their lives and serve you when you truly need them. Wow….I hope I can be a friend like that to others.<br /><br />So, I’ve been thinking a lot about friends because of my amazing roommates. I started trying to blog more last semester in an attempt to record my experiences in our ASL apartment. At the end of that first post I talked about how I knew that the “frustrations of not being able to fully express ourselves or completely understand each other as roommates will be far outweighed by…the experiences that we will have, and the love that we are developing for each other through this experience. Already I feel like we are a family.”<br /><br />Wow. I had no idea how right I would be when I wrote that. Last semester I gained some of my very best friends and a handful of new sisters. What an amazing experience to learn from their examples, their patience, and their love. I will be eternally grateful for the four months I had the privilege of living with Destiny, Rebekah, Alex, Darci, and Aubry. What a blessing they are in my life.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-82712069536306330242011-11-15T21:37:00.000-08:002011-11-29T18:37:21.039-08:00Prince of PeaceToday my friend was struggling with a lot of hard things. After accompanying a friend on the piano she told me, "Liz, that was my miracle. I feel so much better." As I walked home I thought, "If I were to ask for a miracle right now, what would it even be, with all of the different challenges I feel weighing down on me?" In the end, the only miracle I felt to ask for was the strength to go on.<br /><br />That's one of the miracles I've seen time and time again in my life. No matter how overwhelming life feels at times, I know that if I keep moving forward peace will come, peace that only the Prince of Peace can give.<br /><br />When I stop now and think about what my friend said, I realize that her miracle did not suddenly take away all of her trials and struggles, but it brought her peace.<br /><br />My life is still crazier now than possibly ever before, but that sense of peace has returned. God cannot take away our trials without taking away the right we have to grow and learn from this earthly experience. What He can do, if we ask Him and allow Him to, is let the peace that only His Son can offer come into our lives; the peace that comes through the miracle of the Atonement, that knowledge and reassurance that all wrongs will be made right.<br /><br />When I feel so weighed down and alone, that peace is what gives me strength to lift my eyes and stand up straight again. Peace seems to be such a gentle thing, but for me, it goes hand-in-hand with strength. With the peace my Savior gives to me, I know I can find the strength to do all things required of me.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-1825675234808333972011-11-06T21:59:00.001-08:002012-01-08T15:45:36.339-08:00Angels like you<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD43ybPm488JNgLdlFoimFcKL9EhVuziCJs4ZBOotmB29m7fJeUbLs6HleYlHBq1_7n0D0hQZwHMFBd_tgOlZfiN64lojiBPnZuQ36lomEXnqc51wJOrEhUoIXdPW6mhTeHdrylfAspc4/s1600/Roommates.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 293px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD43ybPm488JNgLdlFoimFcKL9EhVuziCJs4ZBOotmB29m7fJeUbLs6HleYlHBq1_7n0D0hQZwHMFBd_tgOlZfiN64lojiBPnZuQ36lomEXnqc51wJOrEhUoIXdPW6mhTeHdrylfAspc4/s320/Roommates.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5695411513472261474" /></a><br />Sometimes God sends angels that are on this side of the veil<br />To support and encourage me when I feel I will fail;<br />When everything before me is more than I can bear on my own,<br />Almost always you appear and I’m grateful I’m not alone.<br /><br />A hug or a smile, a kind word or gentle touch,<br />Are so easy to give, and yet they mean so much.<br />The sacrifices you make give me strength to continue,<br />For despite your struggles I can see a light within you.<br /><br />Life is a test given to help us to grow,<br />And through all of the struggles there is one thing I know:<br />Sometimes trials are to be faced alone, it is true,<br />But for now God has surrounded me by angels like you.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-12699503876858625512011-10-30T17:29:00.000-07:002011-10-30T17:33:00.731-07:00Barátnõm<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx2zToKxLKaFB4ycYwBxUuliBw9qkp5QlQ2mxXdMk8aDNx-PWByj3OQVGr2iu-owu_f8k3oR2zAudRf2CTbGNzZ7IwvZ9_LOf5S-b9nKYG5BarXknKtBFrjhwH8gSbyLZc5iQHFpGIJuc/s1600/Destiny+and+me.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 221px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx2zToKxLKaFB4ycYwBxUuliBw9qkp5QlQ2mxXdMk8aDNx-PWByj3OQVGr2iu-owu_f8k3oR2zAudRf2CTbGNzZ7IwvZ9_LOf5S-b9nKYG5BarXknKtBFrjhwH8gSbyLZc5iQHFpGIJuc/s320/Destiny+and+me.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5669447311893745234" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />They say "To love is to see the face of God" my friend.<br />I hold your hand and ask you to pray that the pain will end,<br />For it is 2 in the morning and the agony is too great.<br />Yet you remind me it’s up to our Father, and upon Him we must wait.<br /> <br />Each little movement causes you to grimace, the pain is so real,<br />But you understand that every hurt, in time, Christ will heal.<br />Your face is serene and your countenance is so calm,<br />And it is you that comforts me with my hand in your palm.<br /> <br />The peace that you radiate despite the aching that is within<br />Reminds me of He who lived and died without sin.<br />I can’t help but think of Christ who suffered to the end,<br />For truly I see the face of God within you, my friend.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-14766274112610637562011-10-11T09:10:00.000-07:002011-10-11T09:11:25.130-07:00Never alone6:30. Time to get up. It’s still dark, and so cold without my blanket! But it’s time to get up. I’ve gotta follow the rules. It’s time to stretch. My companion is still asleep. I’m tired of trying to wake her up. She was still awake and working on something last night when I finally fell asleep around 11. I don’t understand her.<br /><br />6:45. Ooooh, it’s chilly on the floor, but stretching feels good. Being alone….not so much. Why do I always feel so alone? I’m with someone almost 24/7. I guess physically being with someone doesn’t fulfill the need for friendship and companionship. It takes both parties, and I’m still learning how to do my part better. For now, I just feel alone. Every morning. By myself stretching. <br /><br />6:50. Why? Why am I always so alone? You know, I guess I’m not really alone. There are tens of thousands of missionaries all over the world. At least a few thousand of them woke up at the same time as I did. Most of them are probably exercising or stretching right now too. Some of them might even be like me, no companion next to them. But we’re all together. None of us are alone in this work. Suddenly, I don’t feel so lonely.<br /><br />It’s been over 2 years since I came home. Without a companion I find myself alone a lot more often, but I don’t feel lonely. Being alone and feeling alone are quite different things. We never have to feel alone when we stop and realize that someone else somewhere in time has gone through, or is going through, exactly what we are facing.<br /><br />What’s hard for me is watching someone I love struggle with something I have never faced. How I wish I could take that hurt they feel away from them! Let me feel it! Give them a rest from the pain and anguish! Give their burden to me, even if for only a brief moment. Help me to understand what they are going through so I can comfort them!<br /><br />But I can’t. It doesn’t work that way. And then I remember, it’s not meant to work that way. Christ has already done that for my friend. He’s done that for everyone. He’s felt everything we’ve ever felt or will ever feel. He understands my pain. He understands the pain of my friend. None of us are alone.<br /><br />There will always be One we can turn to, One who knows us, One who understands us. I cannot understand my friend’s pain, but He can. He can comfort her where I can’t. Knowing that brings me comfort as well.<br /><br />When those we love suffer, being there to console and comfort them is a wonderful thing to do, but ultimately the best thing we can do is help them find the comfort that only Christ can give. Turn their focus to the One who understands them, and they will never need to feel alone.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-62578821327423786642011-09-22T20:23:00.001-07:002011-09-22T21:14:14.379-07:00A sudden gust of gravityWednesday evening I was so stressed and tired. I hadn't been in the best of moods the previous few days. After 4 1/2 hours of work and 5 1/2 hours of school, I was ready to call it a day. My head hurt, I was hungry and tired. Institute was starting in 30 minutes, and I was really torn as to whether or not I could handle going emotionally or physically.<br /><br />My roommate encouraged me to go, and I realized that with how down I had been, going would probably do far more to raise my spirits than staying home moping would. And so I went!<br /><br />The topic was on Time Management and Goal Setting. The teacher started by having a member of the stake (John) come up and juggle. He started with two balls, juggling them simply while explaining how a certain group of jugglers take to the street and teach random people the basics of juggling. As he talked he kept adding balls until he was juggling five. He made it look so natural! It was amazing!! At one point he dropped one of the balls. Without missing a beat he said, "Wow, there was a sudden gust of gravity!" He picked up the ball and kept going.<br /><br />After his performance the class discussed the similarities between time management and juggling. For one, we all need to remember that we will drop a LOT of balls before we start catching them. John explained that he started in a room with a high ceiling just tossing up two balls as high as he could and catching them. He said he would face one direction until he ran into the wall, would turn around and proceed in the other direction until he collided again. It takes a lot of practice and patience to learn how to juggle the various tasks in our life, and yes, we WILL run into the wall on occasion. We must remember to turn around and keep going.<br /><br />John has been juggling since he was a small boy, yet he still dropped a ball! Did he get frustrated and embarrassed? Did he give up and turn his back on juggling ever again? No, but rather he laughed and picked right back up where he was. We are not professional jugglers. So many things demand our time and attention. Sometimes we seem to have less and less time for the necessities of life. We feel inadequate and weak because we can't do everything we want to all the time. We drop the ball. That is no excuse to quit. Pick it back up again. If you really can't handle it, keep juggling with what you have and when the time is right to try again, you'll know.<br /><br />I was talking to my sister about the principle of time management and how I loved that John said, "There was a sudden gust of gravity!" She pointed out something I hadn't thought of. To juggle you must fight gravity. You are going against a law that is pulling down what you are sending up. I guess now that I think of it, in order to juggle, gravity is necessary. By doing your part and letting gravity do its part a beautiful art is created.<br /><br />The struggles we face in life aren't obstacles meant to pull us down, but gifts given to us to help us grow and reach our potential. Stumbling will happen. Stressful days will overwhelm us at times. Our plate will seem filled beyond that which we can handle. How can we do it all? It's not so much what we're doing that matters, but what we're becoming. Keep going.<br /><br />One last thing that stuck out to me was the following concept:<br /><br />Always have a plan for your life, but remember that it is Plan B. When the Lord presents plan A, be prepared to change your plans.<br /><br />The Lord knows best. He will lead and guide us when we most need it. Other times He will let us choose our own paths. Don't give up on this road of life. Gravity will pull us down. We will drop the ball. We will be tired and discouraged. But we can do it. We all can. Never forget that.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-87079180818914557262011-09-22T16:25:00.000-07:002011-09-22T17:08:26.146-07:00The Silent Treatment<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHyLMd1GrrfnCbKFaCIgQvheV1uPEeRg21UiDonhr_VDpNQn48C9jRz_Kzs9us8HXMr1xWWDCCMNpB0gXEiwT6Sh29awPP970c2k1NxKo2puIFoCcGU01s-aAGyNeba3cwgU4SlRKkxF0/s1600/S6302122.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHyLMd1GrrfnCbKFaCIgQvheV1uPEeRg21UiDonhr_VDpNQn48C9jRz_Kzs9us8HXMr1xWWDCCMNpB0gXEiwT6Sh29awPP970c2k1NxKo2puIFoCcGU01s-aAGyNeba3cwgU4SlRKkxF0/s320/S6302122.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5655337819162518690" /></a><br />My roommates and I love teasing each other when we're not home. "As soon as we get home, I'm giving you the silent treatment!"<br /><br />That joke never gets old to us!<br /><br />As frustrating as it can be to not be able to express everything we feel as quickly nor as clearly as we're used to, I think we all find pleasure in the silence of our apartment. I know I do. Of course it's not perfectly silent. The dishwasher hums, we listen to music, we watch a TV show, we laugh out-loud. But compared to other apartments, we are a very quiet place!<br /><br />Every day we are surrounded by noise. Cell phones ringing, cars passing, music blaring. More often than not we zone out the unnecessary din and only focus on what we want to hear. No matter how valiant our effort, the noise is still there, bidding for our attention.<br /><br />I love hiking in the mountains, escaping from civilization and experiencing the blessed removal of man made noise. Life seems to come into better focus, priorities tend to fall into place, and God's power becomes so evident and undeniable when I remove myself from the hectic bustle of day-to-day life.<br /><br />The silence soothes my soul. It rejuvenates me.<br /><br />It is so peaceful.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-28828016621340825362011-09-20T21:05:00.000-07:002011-09-20T21:36:37.947-07:00A wonderful, wonderful day!!Today was Destiny's birthday!!! It was so much fun planning what we roommates could do for her!!!<br /><br />This morning Alex, Rebekah, and I woke Destiny up by singing Happy Birthday to her, after which Alex and I promptly left for work.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQdbcn0DCfwbscqfjd3E4oiKOGU4uh0yYilKxTDnEEZfnDPt51FHCyVkEHtj78sDJdFP2Xv9K156WvTFXbrLsg1KtIlsxvVUoOlrdQ6ddG59mG1sgoytBG_YCW-8326Om_3SaGkO883MI/s1600/S6303076.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQdbcn0DCfwbscqfjd3E4oiKOGU4uh0yYilKxTDnEEZfnDPt51FHCyVkEHtj78sDJdFP2Xv9K156WvTFXbrLsg1KtIlsxvVUoOlrdQ6ddG59mG1sgoytBG_YCW-8326Om_3SaGkO883MI/s320/S6303076.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5654665832150933090" /></a><br />On campus I wondered how I could possibly decorate Destiny's office when it would be vacated at 2:45 and she normally showed up at 3. Thankfully Tucker ran into me and agreed to help, and Rebekah later texted offering to help as well. I texted Destiny and we decided to meet in the Wilk at three (little did she know that was to keep her away from her office while we decorated!). Alex and Aubry both met up with us as well, and they were gracious enough to finish the decorating while I ran off to distract Destiny.<br /><br />We had a fun time eating lunch together (Alex joined us as well). We said our goodbyes and parted ways. Alex had a class on the same floor as Destiny's office, and she texted me saying-"She saw and came and attacked me with a hug in class! Love it, so surprised! Has no idea about tonight :)".<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHzTooQTR_TBP9MWVDTP4l8d-jNinpIn4kGnvKLUyImTutZe_oWjh2mkAB-drknulW2jBYALiJE-1REeA0BY5FmMDXuL7iCtaX6KRtKbHgtatDhmDB2jdvsAx9q6FNt-5lNRI4Y1lO8OY/s1600/S6303077.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHzTooQTR_TBP9MWVDTP4l8d-jNinpIn4kGnvKLUyImTutZe_oWjh2mkAB-drknulW2jBYALiJE-1REeA0BY5FmMDXuL7iCtaX6KRtKbHgtatDhmDB2jdvsAx9q6FNt-5lNRI4Y1lO8OY/s320/S6303077.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5654665835174871330" /></a><br />Darci and I met up an hour later on campus, and stopped by Destiny's office to give her a hug before we headed home. Apparently she had earlier told Alex, "I work late tonight...so party at home without me". Mwhahahaha! Little did she know.<br /><br />A little while after arriving home Darci and I went to pick up dinner at Panda Express (one of Destiny's favorites), and then swung by home again to pick up Aubry and head to campus. Together we had signed up for Destiny's ASL Lab for one hour and fifteen minutes. Rebekah had talked to her boss and received permission for us to both decorate the room and eat with her at work.<br /><br />Alex had the first shift, and acted as if it was a normal session she had signed up for, just chatting with Destiny.<br /><br />In the meantime, Aubry, Darci and I waited near the office for Rebekah to show up from her class. As 7 o'clock neared, Destiny left her office to see if another student was waiting to be helped. When I saw her I froze and then quickly ran away and motioned for Aubry and Darci to do likewise. Destiny, being confused, came out farther and saw both of them (she later described us as looking like deer frozen in front of car headlights) before Alex literally hauled her back into the office.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguxDibPeJ5ehflSr0o6rq8Vy7ek317Sg0HkaazmXysfJqqopSx0E9nd_dhCRLc2Gp3jA7lrbdzSwJaT4EX9taa-LwhWOy8DakUX0sjZl75dTbTW8g8eLbECkR4jADn1fHWzIP6ja-fHNw/s1600/S6303082.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguxDibPeJ5ehflSr0o6rq8Vy7ek317Sg0HkaazmXysfJqqopSx0E9nd_dhCRLc2Gp3jA7lrbdzSwJaT4EX9taa-LwhWOy8DakUX0sjZl75dTbTW8g8eLbECkR4jADn1fHWzIP6ja-fHNw/s320/S6303082.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5654660118077081474" /></a><br /><br />Rebekah showed up mere moments after that, and we all entered her office signing Happy Birthday. We then had a WONDERFUL time visiting with each other and eating dinner together. I feel so much love between all of us. You can tell that we genuinely care for each other, and it means so much to me.<br /><br />Destiny was so touched. We could tell it meant a lot to her, which only increased our joy and gratitude for the opportunity to make someone we love so much so happy!<br /><br />What a beautiful day it has been!!!Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-28809806189626639252011-09-18T17:53:00.000-07:002011-09-20T21:26:56.292-07:00Logan or bust!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggFBylBvuvi_AsPNnX8se2SPX8oMTa6OeCzZtMO85ltmOB_TwQhZxj3TYTxQNK800iNsCYavL1zI5PMgEdtmADq2SfTdQzzckE7YiHuMvEn1J_7SOkQgbQcL8Jiay8ubvmMubkRii4Or8/s1600/S6303074.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggFBylBvuvi_AsPNnX8se2SPX8oMTa6OeCzZtMO85ltmOB_TwQhZxj3TYTxQNK800iNsCYavL1zI5PMgEdtmADq2SfTdQzzckE7YiHuMvEn1J_7SOkQgbQcL8Jiay8ubvmMubkRii4Or8/s320/S6303074.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5654664635613950050" /></a><br />Saturday morning Darci ran her first ever marathon!! We really wanted to support her, so some of us drove to Logan to surprise her. We had a blast on the ride up! We stopped at a Walmart in Logan to buy a poster and make a sign to cheer her on.<br /><br />When we found the racers we picked a spot near the end to cheer her on. Thirty minutes later Destiny received a text from Darci saying she'd finished the race!! We were sad that we missed her, but we had fun cheering other runners on in the meantime.<br /><br />After discovering Darci had finished the race we called her and found out where she was staying. We drove there and had a fun time congratulating her and finding out how the race had gone. We were a little sad we missed seeing her run, but that visit made it worth it.<br /><br />She told us that at mile 20 she was so tired and just wanted to give up. She found strength in remembering that God will never give up on her, and that she should never give up on herself either.<br /><br />We ended our visit with a prayer together, offered by Darci. What a beautiful and heartfelt prayer! The Spirit was very strong. I'm so grateful for the example my roommates are to me. We're all so different, yet we're the same. We're all just trying to be the best people we can be. That's what matters.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-47209099070627475902011-09-18T17:41:00.000-07:002011-09-18T17:53:42.486-07:00What makes us friends....A few nights ago Alex and I stayed up talking until well after midnight. We were talking about how interesting it is that we feel so close as roommates despite the fact that we communicate so much less with each other than we did with past roommates. How, when we barely talk to each other, could we have become friends so fast?<br /><br />Alex made two points I had never really thought about:<br /><br />First, we've come to know each other by simply watching each other. We see what we're like by what we do. We don't judge each other from frivolous conversations about the weather or school. You see someone do the dishes, and you are so grateful. Someone gives you a hug because you look down, and you love them more for it. We're more observant.<br /><br />Second, it is REALLY hard for us to do anything when talking to each other. I'm starting to get to the point where I can listen to music and still understand what someone is signing to me. But reading a book, doing homework, making dinner, etc., is very hard to do while someone is talking to you. When one of us starts to talk, everyone stops what they are doing to focus on them. We pay attention, because we have to. So often we talk to people while they are watching a movie or reading a book, and they only half listen and respond. I'm guilty of that. However, here we "listen" to each other because we need to, and it makes such a difference in our relationships with each other.<br /><br />I won't always live here, but I hope I can carry those lessons with me for life: the importance of observing the actions of others and showing gratitude, and focusing on others when they are trying to communicate with me.<br /><br />I am so grateful for the opportunity to live with such wonderful friends!Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-62902363517942251722011-09-13T06:27:00.000-07:002011-09-13T06:42:46.194-07:00Burning Meeting.......uhhhhh....I mean FiresideLast Sunday we had the opportunity to attend a fireside at the Marriott Center with Elder Oaks and his wife as the speakers. We sat down by the Deaf/Hard of Hearing section so we could watch the interpreter. It was a lot of fun! I picked up some new vocabulary (such as tolerance and patience). Both talks were wonderful.<br /><br />The closing hymn sung by the choir was "I believe in Christ". Watching the interpreter sign the song was beautiful. Afterward we went home to a wonderful meal that Alex cooked for us!<br /><br />At the end of each day we have roommate prayer. I still remember when Rebekah, Alex, Destiny and I met so I could show them what the Alta apartments looked like. We gathered in the laundry room at the end to pray together about how we felt. Destiny said the prayer. I understood about 2%...maybe less. Now, with each of us taking turns praying, I understand closer to 95%.<br /><br />After that we have a group hug (with Darci hitting all of our heads w/ her hand), followed by a cheer Destiny taught us. It wasn't until a week after we started the tradition that I realized the cheer involves our hands being in the "I love you" shape.<br /><br />I love my roommates!Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-75198618639706978632011-09-08T06:19:00.000-07:002011-09-08T06:23:34.768-07:00Darci and ITuesday evening I really wanted to hike the Y, but didn't really want to go by myself. Darci is training for a marathon, so she decided to run to the base of the hike and meet me somewhere on the trail.<br /><br />By the time we met the sun had already set. We sat on the Y looking out over the night lights of Provo. It was gorgeous. The Provo Temple really stands out. It was so peaceful and quiet.<br /><br />Valerie met Darci on Monday and described her as being "Such a delightful person!" I would have to agree with that description. She is just so nice and so sweet! It was fun spending more time with her.<br /><br />I love my roommates!Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-16961930778854080742011-09-05T18:35:00.000-07:002011-09-20T21:28:30.773-07:00Talent time<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOSAToXocK2Ct0DdilIPEBId7k85_Rhk1TbbJYjqu44R0jeRn0j53mB9CEToG8cKntqLcYim2u4ky0xsa16sNq283YILULxB8StlerG214Leg-F1r6ShExQtO8S40Q6cnR6t7Tj3ai4A0/s1600/S6303070.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOSAToXocK2Ct0DdilIPEBId7k85_Rhk1TbbJYjqu44R0jeRn0j53mB9CEToG8cKntqLcYim2u4ky0xsa16sNq283YILULxB8StlerG214Leg-F1r6ShExQtO8S40Q6cnR6t7Tj3ai4A0/s320/S6303070.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5654665056699509298" /></a><br />Yesterday Darci and I were having fun playing our guitars together. She would even occasionally switch over to her ukulele. Destiny played along with us for awhile as well, and then Rebekah tried to learn how to play a bit. Destiny kept apologizing and saying it had been a long time since she last played the guitar and that she preferred the piano.<br /><br />Today is Labor Day, so we've been home doing homework for far too long. We decided to take a break and listen to Destiny play the piano. She is AMAZING!! Darci sang along as well, and her voice is gorgeous!<br /><br />We decided that someday we're going to have a talent night and all of the roommates can perform. I personally think we should start a band.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-38217421211705512812011-09-05T07:07:00.000-07:002011-09-05T07:24:59.305-07:00Roommate bondingLast night after Ward Break the Fast my roommates and I drove up to near the Temple. Destiny has a friend who lives right next to it, so with permission we spread out blankets and sat on the lawn with an incredible view of the Temple and impending sunset.<br /><br />Together we talked about what we'd discussed in Church (which was how we knew God loved us, and how we felt when we thought about it). Afterwards Destiny invited each of us to share how we had gained our testimonies. What an amazing experience! It was so wonderful to share with each other our struggles and doubts, and how the Lord guided us in so many ways.<br /><br />It was so peaceful. There's something so profoundly powerful about the beauty of silence. We were able to share our faith and our love for God without adding our voices to the surrounding noises of the occasional car or passerby.<br /><br />The view was amazing! As the sun set the Temple was surrounded by picturesque hues of pink, blue, and gray on the horizon; the mountains surrounding everything.<br /><br />What wonderful roommates I have! As Destiny said yesterday, perhaps the Lord didn't bring us together so that we could learn ASL. Perhaps He brought us together because we have so much to learn from each other. I think she might be right.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-67607100869707164312011-09-04T08:27:00.000-07:002016-09-25T18:35:16.514-07:00A new chapter in my life has begun...Last winter semester I started receiving e-mails from Rebekah about the possibility of creating an ASL House. A desire to learn ASL has been growing in me since I was 11, having learned basic phrases during an Achievement Day activity. I was excited at this new opportunity, and a correspondence began that resulted in the apartment I live in today.<br /><br />As the end of summer approached my nervousness grew. I knew communicating in only ASL would be just as hard as communicating in Spanish when I first moved into the Spanish House had been. When I met Darci for the first time, I asked her if she was scared or excited to start using ASL all the time. Her response--"I'm terrified!" I had to laugh; it mirrored my feelings exactly.<br /><br />But what an amazing experience it has been so far!! My vocabulary has grown, my grammar is slowly starting to improve (very slowly), and my eyes are being opened more and more to the beauty of Deaf Culture.<br /><br />There are six of us living together, all pretty basic ASL students except for Destiny who has been studying to become an ASL interpreter most of her life.<br /><br />Oftentimes when people seem a little uncomfortable when they meet someone who is hard of hearing. They're not sure how to act, who to look at, etc....At first it kind of annoyed me. Then it saddened me. Then I realized that I had been just like them a few years ago. Even a few months ago to be honest. It's always uncomfortable to not understand what is happening and not know how to communicate with someone. That's why I love learning languages. I love removing that barrier.<br /><br />All in all, I am so excited for this semester! The frustrations of not being able to fully express ourselves or completely understand each other as roommates will be far outweighed by the appreciation for and understanding of Deaf Culture and ASL that we will gain, the experiences that we will have, and the love that we are developing for each other through this experience. Already I feel like we are a family.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-59908804450440332632011-03-03T13:33:00.000-08:002011-03-03T15:03:57.910-08:00God's will..."But may thy will be done, and not mine..."<br /><br />It seems like such a classic phrase of many prayers. We ask for what we want, and then we tack that last part on, knowing that everything is ultimately in God's hands. Yet, do we ever stop and think what God's will really is?<br /><br />God's work and His glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. He wants us to become like Him, and for us to enjoy all of the blessings He has to offer. He understands that mortality is a necessary part in our journey to attain perfection, and that the refining trials we face here are indispensable in that learning process (though far from enjoyable for us or for Him). His will is that we might become like Him. He does not take joy in our sufferings or pain. How could a perfect Father in Heaven desire that we should suffer? He would surely take away our pain were it not for the fact that He understands the importance of this mortal experience in shaping and teaching us.<br /><br />When we allow trials to soften our hearts rather than harden them, the benefits of our trials far outweigh our losses. Christlike attributes such as patience, faith, hope, and charity are developed. Our appreciation for and understanding of God's plan and our Savior's atonement is enlarged. In short, we could not be perfected without life's trials.<br /><br />Our attitude should not be one of, "may thy will be done, and not mine". God's will is that we might be perfected through the trials of mortality so that we might return to His presence worthy of eternal life. That should be our desire as well; to learn from the curve balls life throws at us and to become perfected through our experiences here on earth.<br /><br />In trials, I pray not simply that God's will be done, but that I might understand His will, that I might learn from the trials I'm called to go through and become perfected through them. I pray that my will and His will may become one.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-66850386618896017382010-11-10T22:45:00.000-08:002011-08-14T16:33:29.088-07:00Fatherly adviceDad taught me a powerful lesson this last summer. He and mom were out for a visit and I was complaining to him about how frustrated I was with my roommates. Our kitchen was always dirty, with the sink overflowing with pots and pans. I was tired of pulling my weight and theirs along with it.
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<br />Dad’s advice to me wasn’t to try this tactic or that. He taught me something that he learned as a missionary from Stephen R. Covey. In life there are things that we have complete control over, others that we have limited control over, and ones which we have no control over. When our control is limited or non-existent, there is no point in getting worked-up about it. In the end we can’t do anything to fix it, so why stress out for nothing? I tried to keep that in mind for the rest of the semester, and things seemed to improve a little.
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<br />Last week I needed to run to the store quickly before my home teachers came over. One of my roommates really needed to buy a few things, so I invited her to come along, thinking she wouldn’t take long. I finished buying my things and waited for a few minutes before finally calling her. She wasn’t even close to being done, but I had fifteen or so minutes until my home teachers were going to come. As the time ticked away I started becoming more anxious and annoyed. I texted her, reminding her that we really needed to leave! I also texted another roommate warning her that I would probably be late.
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<br />I was sitting on a bench in the store and fighting to control my feelings when suddenly dad’s advice came to my mind. My roommate needed to buy those items that very night so she could make a meal she needed to. I couldn’t control that, so why get angry? Rather than be upset, I chose to let it go, and I waited patiently. I think she was a little afraid that I’d tell her off when she got through the check-out stand, but I wasn’t upset at all by that point.
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<br />Upon arriving at home 5-10 minutes later than I had been hoping to, I discovered that one of my home teachers was sick and that the other had come over simply to see how we were doing. I was so grateful that I didn’t hurt my sweet roommate’s feelings by becoming angry when in the end her tardiness didn’t matter. Even if my home teachers had come over and I’d been late, becoming angry wouldn’t have been worth it.
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<br />Sometimes in life we need to stop and remember what is truly important.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-56528684811058214462010-10-11T23:00:00.001-07:002010-10-11T23:00:44.120-07:00True happinessToday I talked to my co-worker again. The last time we talked one-on-one was sometime in July when we went to lunch. She admitted to me that she’d been practically inactive all summer and had drunk twice in the previous week. There were complications with some other co-workers at her other job as well.<br /><br />We had a nice looooooong talk. Most of the time it was simply her admitting that she knew she needed to talk to her bishop; she knew she needed to change her life. I just listened, and encouraged her to do what she knew was right. She talked to her bishop and felt a lot better. But the complications with her co-workers continued.<br /><br />Her next visit with the bishop resulted in her being kicked-out of BYU. She was really disappointed, but as she’d told her bishop, she was willing to face the consequences for her choice. It was shortly thereafter that my phone died and I lost her number. We lost contact for at least a month if not longer.<br /><br />Today we finally met up to have dinner together. Over the course of the visit I learned she is now living with her former co-worker. She’s not going to church, though she still believes in God. She said some really interesting things that caused me to think a lot.<br /><br />First off, she had been inactive most of her youth, and only returned to church shortly after getting out of an abusive relationship. Her mother encouraged her to become active, and she did. She said that she felt like everything she had done over the past few years she only did because others expected it of her.<br /><br />Second, she said that she had never felt happier than now.<br /><br />It’s true that we shouldn’t do things simply for others. We can’t find happiness in living our lives the way our parents, friends, or church leaders want us to. We can’t even find happiness in living the way God wants us to. It is only in bringing our will in line with God’s that we can find that happiness.<br /><br />As a child I remember thinking, “I don’t know that the church is true, but I know that my parents know it. One day I’ll know for myself, but for now, my parents’ testimony is enough for me.” Sometimes we have to rely on the faith of others when we find our own lacking, but we have to do all that we can to strengthen our own testimony so that we can stand alone when it is time.<br /><br />Another thing that really got to me was that it brought back so many thoughts of Jonathan: “He’s happy the way he is now too. How will he ever come back?” Those thoughts haunt me, and I don’t have an answer. My co-worker came back in the first place because of a tragic situation. I pray that it won’t be another tragic situation that brings her back to the correct path someday. Nor do I hope it will take a tragedy to awake in Jonathan the testimony which he once had.<br /><br />When we simply seek for God in times of need it is easier to abandon Him in times of plenty. We do not survive by eating a life’s worth of food in a year and then fasting for the remainder of our life. We eat every day! Why wait until we are spiritually famished to seek nourishment?<br /><br />God will only give us as much as we are willing to receive. He pushes us to grow, and is patient with us when we fail. If we stop trying, He will not, nor can He force us to return. He gave us agency. He wills that every man might choose the right and thus return to His presence someday, but unless we make His will our own, we will never be truly happy in this life.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-55166895755717211672010-10-05T08:04:00.000-07:002010-10-05T08:09:58.148-07:00Learning from mistakesLast week I experienced another first! Mom was trying to deliver some cheese to the Kurzers (the family that stayed with them in Tillamook for a few months). There was no parking on the side of the street available (at least not near their house), so we parked in a church parking lot despite the NO PARKING HERE sign that warned us we could be towed. I stayed in the car as Mom and Sheila went to deliver the cheese and visit for a little. Unfortunately Mom had the wrong address and couldn't find them. So she came back and called to get the correct address. On the second venture I decided to go with them, figuring the car would be fine. After all, I'd been there for 10 minutes and nothing happened. When we returned from the 5 minute visit, the car was gone.<br /><br />The first thing I felt was fear that the car had been stolen. When we called and confirmed that it had been towed, the feelings were a mixture of relief and annoyance. For crying out loud, we'd only left the car unattended for 5 minutes! We weren't parking over night or attending a conference on campus! We were delivering a present to old friends!! Now we had to inconvenience the same people we'd just visited to get a ride to the towing company. Thankfully we were able to laugh at the situation, although the annoyance was still there a little.<br /><br />As I thought back on the situation, I had to agree with my mother: we knew what the sign said, and we knew the risk we were taking. How could we be upset that something happened when we were already warned about it? How could we glare at or scold the towing man for doing exactly what the sign said he would? We couldn't be mad, not at them at least. We could be mad at or disappointed in ourselves, but not at them.<br /><br />In life it is much the same way. Sometimes we push our luck, going out on limbs the Lord has warned us not to. We know the consequences attached to those choices, yet when justice comes, we are angry at God. How could God really let that happen to me? He didn't let it happen, we did. God gave us free agency so we could learn from our choices. If He were to shield us from the consequences of our actions, then what value would free agency be to us? We would learn nothing! To be honest, I'm grateful we were towed. I'm grateful that I was able to understand the importance of heeding the warnings we've been given. I only pray I will continue to heed those warnings and learn from the times I fail to do so.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-12935893592668628042010-06-23T19:04:00.000-07:002010-07-25T22:02:52.506-07:00What the Atonement means to meIn life, I have many friends that I look up to, and for the most part, the more I get to know them, the more I respect them.<br /><br />Lately I've become a lot closer to one particular friend with whom I work. We met each other last fall, but we never really worked together until this last Spring semester. For some reason we began going to each other for advice about more personal matters (perhaps partially because we weren't roommates or members of the same ward, so we weren't afraid that the other would gossip).<br /><br />I simply love this coworker of mine! She's so sweet, and one of those people that you can tell genuinely loves and cares about everyone. She won my confidence faster than most. I eventually opened up to her about the depression I've been facing. She was really understanding, and told me she'd faced some of that herself a few years before. I immediately thought to myself, "Well, she's probably just referring to the typical struggle teenage girls go through (because she's only 19 right now)".<br /><br />One day our conversation turned to depression again, and she admitted things that I didn't know, nor would I have ever expected from her, about the depths of the depression she faced. What she said shocked and saddened me...but above all, it gave me hope.<br /><br />If she made it, and is today this sweet person whom I love so much...then I can make it too.<br /><br />What a blessing it is for us to have people in our lives who can relate to us on such an intimate level. Some of life's challenges are too hard for us to bear on our own, and having someone by your side to coach you through it can make all the difference.<br /><br />I feel like these last few months have brought me closer to my Savior than ever before in my life. As I've come to study about the Atonement in more depth, my gratitude for what Christ has done for us overwhelms me. Christ was the only person ever to resist every temptation possible to mankind. Yet He, who did no wrong, suffered every pain and sorrow that comes from giving into each and every temptation imaginable. He suffered for what He had never done so that He might have pity on us, and so that He might best know how to succor us. What great love!<br /><br />Like my coworker, Christ has felt the pain I have. He knows exactly what I've been going through...and He made it. He overcame that hurt. So can I.<br /><br />When Christ beckons to us, "Come, follow me", it is because He has walked the path we are on, or at least knows where it leads to, and He knows a more excellent way.<br /><br />Not only does He gives us hope that we too can overcome the world, but He gave us the means by which we can be forgiven for the countless times that we fail. He truly is the Rock of our salvation, and the Anchor of our hope. Without Him, we cannot make it home to our Father in Heaven, no matter how hard we try.<br /><br />A way home. Healing. Hope.<br /><br />That is what the Atonement means to me.Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381158231409019811.post-67184013005030785262010-06-15T12:22:00.000-07:002010-06-15T12:35:06.436-07:00My Giant--written April 30th, 2010Where does it come from? It's so suffocating, not just figuratively. I find it hard to breathe. I hesitate before climbing the stairs to my apartment. Will my roommates notice the tears in my eyes? I don't want any of them to see me and ask what's wrong. I don't have an answer for them. I'd be okay if Joy saw me. She knows what it's like. We've talked about it before.<br /><br />Thankfully no one is home. I go into my room and for a few moments I feel like I'm actually going to be okay. I even consider trying to be social and meet new people in the ward. Then the thoughts start coming again, and the tears start falling, dripping off my face.<br /><br />Please, not again! I've got to find a way to distract and calm myself. I decide to block out all thoughts by listening to music while latch-hooking. It doesn't take too much concentration, but enough to keep my mind occupied. I go to the living room to grab something before starting. I realize that the bathroom, kitchen, and living room lights are all on. I consider turning them off. I hate wasting electricity. Then I think, "Wait, if I turn off all the lights, what if Janae come over and thinks no one's home? I'm not going to answer the door if anyone knocks, but Janae would come in after knocking." So I leave them on.<br /><br />I hate crying in front of people. I hate turning to them when I'm like this. I hate being alone. I just need someone to hug me until it all goes away. Why won't these thoughts stop?!<br /><br />I don't hate myself!! So why do I feel so worthless, so selfish, so childish? Why do I feel like I will fail? Why don't I believe in myself?<br /><br />Then Joy comes in and gives me a hug and we talk. She reads what I wrote, and for a lot of the time we just sit there in silence. She distracts me, and when Lisa and Matt show up, I'm feeling good enough to go into the living room and reminisce about the trip to New York.<br /><br />Looking back, today was a really good day. I had fun in my classes, and though work was stressful, the customers were all nice. Why does it happen?Funny momentshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07315923053037235353noreply@blogger.com0