In life, I have many friends that I look up to, and for the most part, the more I get to know them, the more I respect them.
Lately I've become a lot closer to one particular friend with whom I work. We met each other last fall, but we never really worked together until this last Spring semester. For some reason we began going to each other for advice about more personal matters (perhaps partially because we weren't roommates or members of the same ward, so we weren't afraid that the other would gossip).
I simply love this coworker of mine! She's so sweet, and one of those people that you can tell genuinely loves and cares about everyone. She won my confidence faster than most. I eventually opened up to her about the depression I've been facing. She was really understanding, and told me she'd faced some of that herself a few years before. I immediately thought to myself, "Well, she's probably just referring to the typical struggle teenage girls go through (because she's only 19 right now)".
One day our conversation turned to depression again, and she admitted things that I didn't know, nor would I have ever expected from her, about the depths of the depression she faced. What she said shocked and saddened me...but above all, it gave me hope.
If she made it, and is today this sweet person whom I love so much...then I can make it too.
What a blessing it is for us to have people in our lives who can relate to us on such an intimate level. Some of life's challenges are too hard for us to bear on our own, and having someone by your side to coach you through it can make all the difference.
I feel like these last few months have brought me closer to my Savior than ever before in my life. As I've come to study about the Atonement in more depth, my gratitude for what Christ has done for us overwhelms me. Christ was the only person ever to resist every temptation possible to mankind. Yet He, who did no wrong, suffered every pain and sorrow that comes from giving into each and every temptation imaginable. He suffered for what He had never done so that He might have pity on us, and so that He might best know how to succor us. What great love!
Like my coworker, Christ has felt the pain I have. He knows exactly what I've been going through...and He made it. He overcame that hurt. So can I.
When Christ beckons to us, "Come, follow me", it is because He has walked the path we are on, or at least knows where it leads to, and He knows a more excellent way.
Not only does He gives us hope that we too can overcome the world, but He gave us the means by which we can be forgiven for the countless times that we fail. He truly is the Rock of our salvation, and the Anchor of our hope. Without Him, we cannot make it home to our Father in Heaven, no matter how hard we try.
A way home. Healing. Hope.
That is what the Atonement means to me.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
My Giant--written April 30th, 2010
Where does it come from? It's so suffocating, not just figuratively. I find it hard to breathe. I hesitate before climbing the stairs to my apartment. Will my roommates notice the tears in my eyes? I don't want any of them to see me and ask what's wrong. I don't have an answer for them. I'd be okay if Joy saw me. She knows what it's like. We've talked about it before.
Thankfully no one is home. I go into my room and for a few moments I feel like I'm actually going to be okay. I even consider trying to be social and meet new people in the ward. Then the thoughts start coming again, and the tears start falling, dripping off my face.
Please, not again! I've got to find a way to distract and calm myself. I decide to block out all thoughts by listening to music while latch-hooking. It doesn't take too much concentration, but enough to keep my mind occupied. I go to the living room to grab something before starting. I realize that the bathroom, kitchen, and living room lights are all on. I consider turning them off. I hate wasting electricity. Then I think, "Wait, if I turn off all the lights, what if Janae come over and thinks no one's home? I'm not going to answer the door if anyone knocks, but Janae would come in after knocking." So I leave them on.
I hate crying in front of people. I hate turning to them when I'm like this. I hate being alone. I just need someone to hug me until it all goes away. Why won't these thoughts stop?!
I don't hate myself!! So why do I feel so worthless, so selfish, so childish? Why do I feel like I will fail? Why don't I believe in myself?
Then Joy comes in and gives me a hug and we talk. She reads what I wrote, and for a lot of the time we just sit there in silence. She distracts me, and when Lisa and Matt show up, I'm feeling good enough to go into the living room and reminisce about the trip to New York.
Looking back, today was a really good day. I had fun in my classes, and though work was stressful, the customers were all nice. Why does it happen?
Thankfully no one is home. I go into my room and for a few moments I feel like I'm actually going to be okay. I even consider trying to be social and meet new people in the ward. Then the thoughts start coming again, and the tears start falling, dripping off my face.
Please, not again! I've got to find a way to distract and calm myself. I decide to block out all thoughts by listening to music while latch-hooking. It doesn't take too much concentration, but enough to keep my mind occupied. I go to the living room to grab something before starting. I realize that the bathroom, kitchen, and living room lights are all on. I consider turning them off. I hate wasting electricity. Then I think, "Wait, if I turn off all the lights, what if Janae come over and thinks no one's home? I'm not going to answer the door if anyone knocks, but Janae would come in after knocking." So I leave them on.
I hate crying in front of people. I hate turning to them when I'm like this. I hate being alone. I just need someone to hug me until it all goes away. Why won't these thoughts stop?!
I don't hate myself!! So why do I feel so worthless, so selfish, so childish? Why do I feel like I will fail? Why don't I believe in myself?
Then Joy comes in and gives me a hug and we talk. She reads what I wrote, and for a lot of the time we just sit there in silence. She distracts me, and when Lisa and Matt show up, I'm feeling good enough to go into the living room and reminisce about the trip to New York.
Looking back, today was a really good day. I had fun in my classes, and though work was stressful, the customers were all nice. Why does it happen?
Saturday, June 12, 2010
I’ve never considered myself as being a strong person. I find it funny when people are afraid to arm-wrestle me. I guess my size intimidates them, but I’ve just never really cared about working out. One day, my roommate Janae decided to take me to the gym. She acted as my spotter, and was good at knowing how to push me to do my best. But when she realized there were certain things I didn’t yet have the strength to do, she wouldn’t push me beyond my limit. Despite the soreness that I felt for the next few days, it was a good experience.
Muscles could be compared to many different things in our life: relationships, bank accounts, grades, and of course, testimonies. If we don’t spend time working to improve them, they will begin to diminish. When emergencies happen, they can be strained if we haven’t prepared them for the stresses they are facing. Life is full of challenges that can overwhelm us if we are not ready for them. We build our muscles, both physical and spiritual, so that we will have them when we need them.
Sometimes people fail to realize that fact, and in a moment of despair and desperation they belief God to be unjust for not giving them the strength they need, when it was they who failed to take advantage of the opportunities that God had given them to grow and work their spiritual muscles. God could be considered as our spiritual Spotter. He knows our weaknesses even better than we do, and He provides occasions in which we can work those spiritual muscles which are the weakest, or which He knows we will need the most. Sometimes it seems as though the pain and soreness from the last workout has barely subsided when God puts more obstacles in our path to push us to grow. Why does He do that? So that when we are faced with the trials that mortality brings with it, we will have the strength to withstand them.
Pondering this topic reminds me of the grueling basketball practices I remember. Running seemingly endless sets of line…drill after drill…scrimmaging. It was so easy to complain and want to give up, but we had signed-up for it, and I’ve never liked the idea of quitting.
Each one of us signed-up for mortality. Along with it comes a lot of challenges that perhaps we couldn’t foresee at the time we ‘signed-up’ for it. But God did, and He will coach us through every step of it if we will let Him. Sometimes it can be hard to hear your coach’s voice above the crowds that are shouting and trying to tell you what to do, but listen for Him. You will hear His voice, and if you follow it, you will triumph in the end.
Muscles could be compared to many different things in our life: relationships, bank accounts, grades, and of course, testimonies. If we don’t spend time working to improve them, they will begin to diminish. When emergencies happen, they can be strained if we haven’t prepared them for the stresses they are facing. Life is full of challenges that can overwhelm us if we are not ready for them. We build our muscles, both physical and spiritual, so that we will have them when we need them.
Sometimes people fail to realize that fact, and in a moment of despair and desperation they belief God to be unjust for not giving them the strength they need, when it was they who failed to take advantage of the opportunities that God had given them to grow and work their spiritual muscles. God could be considered as our spiritual Spotter. He knows our weaknesses even better than we do, and He provides occasions in which we can work those spiritual muscles which are the weakest, or which He knows we will need the most. Sometimes it seems as though the pain and soreness from the last workout has barely subsided when God puts more obstacles in our path to push us to grow. Why does He do that? So that when we are faced with the trials that mortality brings with it, we will have the strength to withstand them.
Pondering this topic reminds me of the grueling basketball practices I remember. Running seemingly endless sets of line…drill after drill…scrimmaging. It was so easy to complain and want to give up, but we had signed-up for it, and I’ve never liked the idea of quitting.
Each one of us signed-up for mortality. Along with it comes a lot of challenges that perhaps we couldn’t foresee at the time we ‘signed-up’ for it. But God did, and He will coach us through every step of it if we will let Him. Sometimes it can be hard to hear your coach’s voice above the crowds that are shouting and trying to tell you what to do, but listen for Him. You will hear His voice, and if you follow it, you will triumph in the end.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)