True happiness

Today I talked to my co-worker again. The last time we talked one-on-one was sometime in July when we went to lunch. She admitted to me that she’d been practically inactive all summer and had drunk twice in the previous week. There were complications with some other co-workers at her other job as well.

We had a nice looooooong talk. Most of the time it was simply her admitting that she knew she needed to talk to her bishop; she knew she needed to change her life. I just listened, and encouraged her to do what she knew was right. She talked to her bishop and felt a lot better. But the complications with her co-workers continued.

Her next visit with the bishop resulted in her being kicked-out of BYU. She was really disappointed, but as she’d told her bishop, she was willing to face the consequences for her choice. It was shortly thereafter that my phone died and I lost her number. We lost contact for at least a month if not longer.

Today we finally met up to have dinner together. Over the course of the visit I learned she is now living with her former co-worker. She’s not going to church, though she still believes in God. She said some really interesting things that caused me to think a lot.

First off, she had been inactive most of her youth, and only returned to church shortly after getting out of an abusive relationship. Her mother encouraged her to become active, and she did. She said that she felt like everything she had done over the past few years she only did because others expected it of her.

Second, she said that she had never felt happier than now.

It’s true that we shouldn’t do things simply for others. We can’t find happiness in living our lives the way our parents, friends, or church leaders want us to. We can’t even find happiness in living the way God wants us to. It is only in bringing our will in line with God’s that we can find that happiness.

As a child I remember thinking, “I don’t know that the church is true, but I know that my parents know it. One day I’ll know for myself, but for now, my parents’ testimony is enough for me.” Sometimes we have to rely on the faith of others when we find our own lacking, but we have to do all that we can to strengthen our own testimony so that we can stand alone when it is time.

Another thing that really got to me was that it brought back so many thoughts of Jonathan: “He’s happy the way he is now too. How will he ever come back?” Those thoughts haunt me, and I don’t have an answer. My co-worker came back in the first place because of a tragic situation. I pray that it won’t be another tragic situation that brings her back to the correct path someday. Nor do I hope it will take a tragedy to awake in Jonathan the testimony which he once had.

When we simply seek for God in times of need it is easier to abandon Him in times of plenty. We do not survive by eating a life’s worth of food in a year and then fasting for the remainder of our life. We eat every day! Why wait until we are spiritually famished to seek nourishment?

God will only give us as much as we are willing to receive. He pushes us to grow, and is patient with us when we fail. If we stop trying, He will not, nor can He force us to return. He gave us agency. He wills that every man might choose the right and thus return to His presence someday, but unless we make His will our own, we will never be truly happy in this life.