Dad taught me a powerful lesson this last summer. He and mom were out for a visit and I was complaining to him about how frustrated I was with my roommates. Our kitchen was always dirty, with the sink overflowing with pots and pans. I was tired of pulling my weight and theirs along with it.
Dad’s advice to me wasn’t to try this tactic or that. He taught me something that he learned as a missionary from Stephen R. Covey. In life there are things that we have complete control over, others that we have limited control over, and ones which we have no control over. When our control is limited or non-existent, there is no point in getting worked-up about it. In the end we can’t do anything to fix it, so why stress out for nothing? I tried to keep that in mind for the rest of the semester, and things seemed to improve a little.
Last week I needed to run to the store quickly before my home teachers came over. One of my roommates really needed to buy a few things, so I invited her to come along, thinking she wouldn’t take long. I finished buying my things and waited for a few minutes before finally calling her. She wasn’t even close to being done, but I had fifteen or so minutes until my home teachers were going to come. As the time ticked away I started becoming more anxious and annoyed. I texted her, reminding her that we really needed to leave! I also texted another roommate warning her that I would probably be late.
I was sitting on a bench in the store and fighting to control my feelings when suddenly dad’s advice came to my mind. My roommate needed to buy those items that very night so she could make a meal she needed to. I couldn’t control that, so why get angry? Rather than be upset, I chose to let it go, and I waited patiently. I think she was a little afraid that I’d tell her off when she got through the check-out stand, but I wasn’t upset at all by that point.
Upon arriving at home 5-10 minutes later than I had been hoping to, I discovered that one of my home teachers was sick and that the other had come over simply to see how we were doing. I was so grateful that I didn’t hurt my sweet roommate’s feelings by becoming angry when in the end her tardiness didn’t matter. Even if my home teachers had come over and I’d been late, becoming angry wouldn’t have been worth it.
Sometimes in life we need to stop and remember what is truly important.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
True happiness
Today I talked to my co-worker again. The last time we talked one-on-one was sometime in July when we went to lunch. She admitted to me that she’d been practically inactive all summer and had drunk twice in the previous week. There were complications with some other co-workers at her other job as well.
We had a nice looooooong talk. Most of the time it was simply her admitting that she knew she needed to talk to her bishop; she knew she needed to change her life. I just listened, and encouraged her to do what she knew was right. She talked to her bishop and felt a lot better. But the complications with her co-workers continued.
Her next visit with the bishop resulted in her being kicked-out of BYU. She was really disappointed, but as she’d told her bishop, she was willing to face the consequences for her choice. It was shortly thereafter that my phone died and I lost her number. We lost contact for at least a month if not longer.
Today we finally met up to have dinner together. Over the course of the visit I learned she is now living with her former co-worker. She’s not going to church, though she still believes in God. She said some really interesting things that caused me to think a lot.
First off, she had been inactive most of her youth, and only returned to church shortly after getting out of an abusive relationship. Her mother encouraged her to become active, and she did. She said that she felt like everything she had done over the past few years she only did because others expected it of her.
Second, she said that she had never felt happier than now.
It’s true that we shouldn’t do things simply for others. We can’t find happiness in living our lives the way our parents, friends, or church leaders want us to. We can’t even find happiness in living the way God wants us to. It is only in bringing our will in line with God’s that we can find that happiness.
As a child I remember thinking, “I don’t know that the church is true, but I know that my parents know it. One day I’ll know for myself, but for now, my parents’ testimony is enough for me.” Sometimes we have to rely on the faith of others when we find our own lacking, but we have to do all that we can to strengthen our own testimony so that we can stand alone when it is time.
Another thing that really got to me was that it brought back so many thoughts of Jonathan: “He’s happy the way he is now too. How will he ever come back?” Those thoughts haunt me, and I don’t have an answer. My co-worker came back in the first place because of a tragic situation. I pray that it won’t be another tragic situation that brings her back to the correct path someday. Nor do I hope it will take a tragedy to awake in Jonathan the testimony which he once had.
When we simply seek for God in times of need it is easier to abandon Him in times of plenty. We do not survive by eating a life’s worth of food in a year and then fasting for the remainder of our life. We eat every day! Why wait until we are spiritually famished to seek nourishment?
God will only give us as much as we are willing to receive. He pushes us to grow, and is patient with us when we fail. If we stop trying, He will not, nor can He force us to return. He gave us agency. He wills that every man might choose the right and thus return to His presence someday, but unless we make His will our own, we will never be truly happy in this life.
We had a nice looooooong talk. Most of the time it was simply her admitting that she knew she needed to talk to her bishop; she knew she needed to change her life. I just listened, and encouraged her to do what she knew was right. She talked to her bishop and felt a lot better. But the complications with her co-workers continued.
Her next visit with the bishop resulted in her being kicked-out of BYU. She was really disappointed, but as she’d told her bishop, she was willing to face the consequences for her choice. It was shortly thereafter that my phone died and I lost her number. We lost contact for at least a month if not longer.
Today we finally met up to have dinner together. Over the course of the visit I learned she is now living with her former co-worker. She’s not going to church, though she still believes in God. She said some really interesting things that caused me to think a lot.
First off, she had been inactive most of her youth, and only returned to church shortly after getting out of an abusive relationship. Her mother encouraged her to become active, and she did. She said that she felt like everything she had done over the past few years she only did because others expected it of her.
Second, she said that she had never felt happier than now.
It’s true that we shouldn’t do things simply for others. We can’t find happiness in living our lives the way our parents, friends, or church leaders want us to. We can’t even find happiness in living the way God wants us to. It is only in bringing our will in line with God’s that we can find that happiness.
As a child I remember thinking, “I don’t know that the church is true, but I know that my parents know it. One day I’ll know for myself, but for now, my parents’ testimony is enough for me.” Sometimes we have to rely on the faith of others when we find our own lacking, but we have to do all that we can to strengthen our own testimony so that we can stand alone when it is time.
Another thing that really got to me was that it brought back so many thoughts of Jonathan: “He’s happy the way he is now too. How will he ever come back?” Those thoughts haunt me, and I don’t have an answer. My co-worker came back in the first place because of a tragic situation. I pray that it won’t be another tragic situation that brings her back to the correct path someday. Nor do I hope it will take a tragedy to awake in Jonathan the testimony which he once had.
When we simply seek for God in times of need it is easier to abandon Him in times of plenty. We do not survive by eating a life’s worth of food in a year and then fasting for the remainder of our life. We eat every day! Why wait until we are spiritually famished to seek nourishment?
God will only give us as much as we are willing to receive. He pushes us to grow, and is patient with us when we fail. If we stop trying, He will not, nor can He force us to return. He gave us agency. He wills that every man might choose the right and thus return to His presence someday, but unless we make His will our own, we will never be truly happy in this life.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Learning from mistakes
Last week I experienced another first! Mom was trying to deliver some cheese to the Kurzers (the family that stayed with them in Tillamook for a few months). There was no parking on the side of the street available (at least not near their house), so we parked in a church parking lot despite the NO PARKING HERE sign that warned us we could be towed. I stayed in the car as Mom and Sheila went to deliver the cheese and visit for a little. Unfortunately Mom had the wrong address and couldn't find them. So she came back and called to get the correct address. On the second venture I decided to go with them, figuring the car would be fine. After all, I'd been there for 10 minutes and nothing happened. When we returned from the 5 minute visit, the car was gone.
The first thing I felt was fear that the car had been stolen. When we called and confirmed that it had been towed, the feelings were a mixture of relief and annoyance. For crying out loud, we'd only left the car unattended for 5 minutes! We weren't parking over night or attending a conference on campus! We were delivering a present to old friends!! Now we had to inconvenience the same people we'd just visited to get a ride to the towing company. Thankfully we were able to laugh at the situation, although the annoyance was still there a little.
As I thought back on the situation, I had to agree with my mother: we knew what the sign said, and we knew the risk we were taking. How could we be upset that something happened when we were already warned about it? How could we glare at or scold the towing man for doing exactly what the sign said he would? We couldn't be mad, not at them at least. We could be mad at or disappointed in ourselves, but not at them.
In life it is much the same way. Sometimes we push our luck, going out on limbs the Lord has warned us not to. We know the consequences attached to those choices, yet when justice comes, we are angry at God. How could God really let that happen to me? He didn't let it happen, we did. God gave us free agency so we could learn from our choices. If He were to shield us from the consequences of our actions, then what value would free agency be to us? We would learn nothing! To be honest, I'm grateful we were towed. I'm grateful that I was able to understand the importance of heeding the warnings we've been given. I only pray I will continue to heed those warnings and learn from the times I fail to do so.
The first thing I felt was fear that the car had been stolen. When we called and confirmed that it had been towed, the feelings were a mixture of relief and annoyance. For crying out loud, we'd only left the car unattended for 5 minutes! We weren't parking over night or attending a conference on campus! We were delivering a present to old friends!! Now we had to inconvenience the same people we'd just visited to get a ride to the towing company. Thankfully we were able to laugh at the situation, although the annoyance was still there a little.
As I thought back on the situation, I had to agree with my mother: we knew what the sign said, and we knew the risk we were taking. How could we be upset that something happened when we were already warned about it? How could we glare at or scold the towing man for doing exactly what the sign said he would? We couldn't be mad, not at them at least. We could be mad at or disappointed in ourselves, but not at them.
In life it is much the same way. Sometimes we push our luck, going out on limbs the Lord has warned us not to. We know the consequences attached to those choices, yet when justice comes, we are angry at God. How could God really let that happen to me? He didn't let it happen, we did. God gave us free agency so we could learn from our choices. If He were to shield us from the consequences of our actions, then what value would free agency be to us? We would learn nothing! To be honest, I'm grateful we were towed. I'm grateful that I was able to understand the importance of heeding the warnings we've been given. I only pray I will continue to heed those warnings and learn from the times I fail to do so.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
What the Atonement means to me
In life, I have many friends that I look up to, and for the most part, the more I get to know them, the more I respect them.
Lately I've become a lot closer to one particular friend with whom I work. We met each other last fall, but we never really worked together until this last Spring semester. For some reason we began going to each other for advice about more personal matters (perhaps partially because we weren't roommates or members of the same ward, so we weren't afraid that the other would gossip).
I simply love this coworker of mine! She's so sweet, and one of those people that you can tell genuinely loves and cares about everyone. She won my confidence faster than most. I eventually opened up to her about the depression I've been facing. She was really understanding, and told me she'd faced some of that herself a few years before. I immediately thought to myself, "Well, she's probably just referring to the typical struggle teenage girls go through (because she's only 19 right now)".
One day our conversation turned to depression again, and she admitted things that I didn't know, nor would I have ever expected from her, about the depths of the depression she faced. What she said shocked and saddened me...but above all, it gave me hope.
If she made it, and is today this sweet person whom I love so much...then I can make it too.
What a blessing it is for us to have people in our lives who can relate to us on such an intimate level. Some of life's challenges are too hard for us to bear on our own, and having someone by your side to coach you through it can make all the difference.
I feel like these last few months have brought me closer to my Savior than ever before in my life. As I've come to study about the Atonement in more depth, my gratitude for what Christ has done for us overwhelms me. Christ was the only person ever to resist every temptation possible to mankind. Yet He, who did no wrong, suffered every pain and sorrow that comes from giving into each and every temptation imaginable. He suffered for what He had never done so that He might have pity on us, and so that He might best know how to succor us. What great love!
Like my coworker, Christ has felt the pain I have. He knows exactly what I've been going through...and He made it. He overcame that hurt. So can I.
When Christ beckons to us, "Come, follow me", it is because He has walked the path we are on, or at least knows where it leads to, and He knows a more excellent way.
Not only does He gives us hope that we too can overcome the world, but He gave us the means by which we can be forgiven for the countless times that we fail. He truly is the Rock of our salvation, and the Anchor of our hope. Without Him, we cannot make it home to our Father in Heaven, no matter how hard we try.
A way home. Healing. Hope.
That is what the Atonement means to me.
Lately I've become a lot closer to one particular friend with whom I work. We met each other last fall, but we never really worked together until this last Spring semester. For some reason we began going to each other for advice about more personal matters (perhaps partially because we weren't roommates or members of the same ward, so we weren't afraid that the other would gossip).
I simply love this coworker of mine! She's so sweet, and one of those people that you can tell genuinely loves and cares about everyone. She won my confidence faster than most. I eventually opened up to her about the depression I've been facing. She was really understanding, and told me she'd faced some of that herself a few years before. I immediately thought to myself, "Well, she's probably just referring to the typical struggle teenage girls go through (because she's only 19 right now)".
One day our conversation turned to depression again, and she admitted things that I didn't know, nor would I have ever expected from her, about the depths of the depression she faced. What she said shocked and saddened me...but above all, it gave me hope.
If she made it, and is today this sweet person whom I love so much...then I can make it too.
What a blessing it is for us to have people in our lives who can relate to us on such an intimate level. Some of life's challenges are too hard for us to bear on our own, and having someone by your side to coach you through it can make all the difference.
I feel like these last few months have brought me closer to my Savior than ever before in my life. As I've come to study about the Atonement in more depth, my gratitude for what Christ has done for us overwhelms me. Christ was the only person ever to resist every temptation possible to mankind. Yet He, who did no wrong, suffered every pain and sorrow that comes from giving into each and every temptation imaginable. He suffered for what He had never done so that He might have pity on us, and so that He might best know how to succor us. What great love!
Like my coworker, Christ has felt the pain I have. He knows exactly what I've been going through...and He made it. He overcame that hurt. So can I.
When Christ beckons to us, "Come, follow me", it is because He has walked the path we are on, or at least knows where it leads to, and He knows a more excellent way.
Not only does He gives us hope that we too can overcome the world, but He gave us the means by which we can be forgiven for the countless times that we fail. He truly is the Rock of our salvation, and the Anchor of our hope. Without Him, we cannot make it home to our Father in Heaven, no matter how hard we try.
A way home. Healing. Hope.
That is what the Atonement means to me.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
My Giant--written April 30th, 2010
Where does it come from? It's so suffocating, not just figuratively. I find it hard to breathe. I hesitate before climbing the stairs to my apartment. Will my roommates notice the tears in my eyes? I don't want any of them to see me and ask what's wrong. I don't have an answer for them. I'd be okay if Joy saw me. She knows what it's like. We've talked about it before.
Thankfully no one is home. I go into my room and for a few moments I feel like I'm actually going to be okay. I even consider trying to be social and meet new people in the ward. Then the thoughts start coming again, and the tears start falling, dripping off my face.
Please, not again! I've got to find a way to distract and calm myself. I decide to block out all thoughts by listening to music while latch-hooking. It doesn't take too much concentration, but enough to keep my mind occupied. I go to the living room to grab something before starting. I realize that the bathroom, kitchen, and living room lights are all on. I consider turning them off. I hate wasting electricity. Then I think, "Wait, if I turn off all the lights, what if Janae come over and thinks no one's home? I'm not going to answer the door if anyone knocks, but Janae would come in after knocking." So I leave them on.
I hate crying in front of people. I hate turning to them when I'm like this. I hate being alone. I just need someone to hug me until it all goes away. Why won't these thoughts stop?!
I don't hate myself!! So why do I feel so worthless, so selfish, so childish? Why do I feel like I will fail? Why don't I believe in myself?
Then Joy comes in and gives me a hug and we talk. She reads what I wrote, and for a lot of the time we just sit there in silence. She distracts me, and when Lisa and Matt show up, I'm feeling good enough to go into the living room and reminisce about the trip to New York.
Looking back, today was a really good day. I had fun in my classes, and though work was stressful, the customers were all nice. Why does it happen?
Thankfully no one is home. I go into my room and for a few moments I feel like I'm actually going to be okay. I even consider trying to be social and meet new people in the ward. Then the thoughts start coming again, and the tears start falling, dripping off my face.
Please, not again! I've got to find a way to distract and calm myself. I decide to block out all thoughts by listening to music while latch-hooking. It doesn't take too much concentration, but enough to keep my mind occupied. I go to the living room to grab something before starting. I realize that the bathroom, kitchen, and living room lights are all on. I consider turning them off. I hate wasting electricity. Then I think, "Wait, if I turn off all the lights, what if Janae come over and thinks no one's home? I'm not going to answer the door if anyone knocks, but Janae would come in after knocking." So I leave them on.
I hate crying in front of people. I hate turning to them when I'm like this. I hate being alone. I just need someone to hug me until it all goes away. Why won't these thoughts stop?!
I don't hate myself!! So why do I feel so worthless, so selfish, so childish? Why do I feel like I will fail? Why don't I believe in myself?
Then Joy comes in and gives me a hug and we talk. She reads what I wrote, and for a lot of the time we just sit there in silence. She distracts me, and when Lisa and Matt show up, I'm feeling good enough to go into the living room and reminisce about the trip to New York.
Looking back, today was a really good day. I had fun in my classes, and though work was stressful, the customers were all nice. Why does it happen?
Saturday, June 12, 2010
I’ve never considered myself as being a strong person. I find it funny when people are afraid to arm-wrestle me. I guess my size intimidates them, but I’ve just never really cared about working out. One day, my roommate Janae decided to take me to the gym. She acted as my spotter, and was good at knowing how to push me to do my best. But when she realized there were certain things I didn’t yet have the strength to do, she wouldn’t push me beyond my limit. Despite the soreness that I felt for the next few days, it was a good experience.
Muscles could be compared to many different things in our life: relationships, bank accounts, grades, and of course, testimonies. If we don’t spend time working to improve them, they will begin to diminish. When emergencies happen, they can be strained if we haven’t prepared them for the stresses they are facing. Life is full of challenges that can overwhelm us if we are not ready for them. We build our muscles, both physical and spiritual, so that we will have them when we need them.
Sometimes people fail to realize that fact, and in a moment of despair and desperation they belief God to be unjust for not giving them the strength they need, when it was they who failed to take advantage of the opportunities that God had given them to grow and work their spiritual muscles. God could be considered as our spiritual Spotter. He knows our weaknesses even better than we do, and He provides occasions in which we can work those spiritual muscles which are the weakest, or which He knows we will need the most. Sometimes it seems as though the pain and soreness from the last workout has barely subsided when God puts more obstacles in our path to push us to grow. Why does He do that? So that when we are faced with the trials that mortality brings with it, we will have the strength to withstand them.
Pondering this topic reminds me of the grueling basketball practices I remember. Running seemingly endless sets of line…drill after drill…scrimmaging. It was so easy to complain and want to give up, but we had signed-up for it, and I’ve never liked the idea of quitting.
Each one of us signed-up for mortality. Along with it comes a lot of challenges that perhaps we couldn’t foresee at the time we ‘signed-up’ for it. But God did, and He will coach us through every step of it if we will let Him. Sometimes it can be hard to hear your coach’s voice above the crowds that are shouting and trying to tell you what to do, but listen for Him. You will hear His voice, and if you follow it, you will triumph in the end.
Muscles could be compared to many different things in our life: relationships, bank accounts, grades, and of course, testimonies. If we don’t spend time working to improve them, they will begin to diminish. When emergencies happen, they can be strained if we haven’t prepared them for the stresses they are facing. Life is full of challenges that can overwhelm us if we are not ready for them. We build our muscles, both physical and spiritual, so that we will have them when we need them.
Sometimes people fail to realize that fact, and in a moment of despair and desperation they belief God to be unjust for not giving them the strength they need, when it was they who failed to take advantage of the opportunities that God had given them to grow and work their spiritual muscles. God could be considered as our spiritual Spotter. He knows our weaknesses even better than we do, and He provides occasions in which we can work those spiritual muscles which are the weakest, or which He knows we will need the most. Sometimes it seems as though the pain and soreness from the last workout has barely subsided when God puts more obstacles in our path to push us to grow. Why does He do that? So that when we are faced with the trials that mortality brings with it, we will have the strength to withstand them.
Pondering this topic reminds me of the grueling basketball practices I remember. Running seemingly endless sets of line…drill after drill…scrimmaging. It was so easy to complain and want to give up, but we had signed-up for it, and I’ve never liked the idea of quitting.
Each one of us signed-up for mortality. Along with it comes a lot of challenges that perhaps we couldn’t foresee at the time we ‘signed-up’ for it. But God did, and He will coach us through every step of it if we will let Him. Sometimes it can be hard to hear your coach’s voice above the crowds that are shouting and trying to tell you what to do, but listen for Him. You will hear His voice, and if you follow it, you will triumph in the end.
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