Talent time

Yesterday Darci and I were having fun playing our guitars together. She would even occasionally switch over to her ukulele. Destiny played along with us for awhile as well, and then Rebekah tried to learn how to play a bit. Destiny kept apologizing and saying it had been a long time since she last played the guitar and that she preferred the piano.

Today is Labor Day, so we've been home doing homework for far too long. We decided to take a break and listen to Destiny play the piano. She is AMAZING!! Darci sang along as well, and her voice is gorgeous!

We decided that someday we're going to have a talent night and all of the roommates can perform. I personally think we should start a band.

Roommate bonding

Last night after Ward Break the Fast my roommates and I drove up to near the Temple. Destiny has a friend who lives right next to it, so with permission we spread out blankets and sat on the lawn with an incredible view of the Temple and impending sunset.

Together we talked about what we'd discussed in Church (which was how we knew God loved us, and how we felt when we thought about it). Afterwards Destiny invited each of us to share how we had gained our testimonies. What an amazing experience! It was so wonderful to share with each other our struggles and doubts, and how the Lord guided us in so many ways.

It was so peaceful. There's something so profoundly powerful about the beauty of silence. We were able to share our faith and our love for God without adding our voices to the surrounding noises of the occasional car or passerby.

The view was amazing! As the sun set the Temple was surrounded by picturesque hues of pink, blue, and gray on the horizon; the mountains surrounding everything.

What wonderful roommates I have! As Destiny said yesterday, perhaps the Lord didn't bring us together so that we could learn ASL. Perhaps He brought us together because we have so much to learn from each other. I think she might be right.

A new chapter in my life has begun...

Last winter semester I started receiving e-mails from Rebekah about the possibility of creating an ASL House. A desire to learn ASL has been growing in me since I was 11, having learned basic phrases during an Achievement Day activity. I was excited at this new opportunity, and a correspondence began that resulted in the apartment I live in today.

As the end of summer approached my nervousness grew. I knew communicating in only ASL would be just as hard as communicating in Spanish when I first moved into the Spanish House had been. When I met Darci for the first time, I asked her if she was scared or excited to start using ASL all the time. Her response--"I'm terrified!" I had to laugh; it mirrored my feelings exactly.

But what an amazing experience it has been so far!! My vocabulary has grown, my grammar is slowly starting to improve (very slowly), and my eyes are being opened more and more to the beauty of Deaf Culture.

There are six of us living together, all pretty basic ASL students except for Destiny who has been studying to become an ASL interpreter most of her life.

Oftentimes when people seem a little uncomfortable when they meet someone who is hard of hearing. They're not sure how to act, who to look at, etc....At first it kind of annoyed me. Then it saddened me. Then I realized that I had been just like them a few years ago. Even a few months ago to be honest. It's always uncomfortable to not understand what is happening and not know how to communicate with someone. That's why I love learning languages. I love removing that barrier.

All in all, I am so excited for this semester! The frustrations of not being able to fully express ourselves or completely understand each other as roommates will be far outweighed by the appreciation for and understanding of Deaf Culture and ASL that we will gain, the experiences that we will have, and the love that we are developing for each other through this experience. Already I feel like we are a family.

God's will...

"But may thy will be done, and not mine..."

It seems like such a classic phrase of many prayers. We ask for what we want, and then we tack that last part on, knowing that everything is ultimately in God's hands. Yet, do we ever stop and think what God's will really is?

God's work and His glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. He wants us to become like Him, and for us to enjoy all of the blessings He has to offer. He understands that mortality is a necessary part in our journey to attain perfection, and that the refining trials we face here are indispensable in that learning process (though far from enjoyable for us or for Him). His will is that we might become like Him. He does not take joy in our sufferings or pain. How could a perfect Father in Heaven desire that we should suffer? He would surely take away our pain were it not for the fact that He understands the importance of this mortal experience in shaping and teaching us.

When we allow trials to soften our hearts rather than harden them, the benefits of our trials far outweigh our losses. Christlike attributes such as patience, faith, hope, and charity are developed. Our appreciation for and understanding of God's plan and our Savior's atonement is enlarged. In short, we could not be perfected without life's trials.

Our attitude should not be one of, "may thy will be done, and not mine". God's will is that we might be perfected through the trials of mortality so that we might return to His presence worthy of eternal life. That should be our desire as well; to learn from the curve balls life throws at us and to become perfected through our experiences here on earth.

In trials, I pray not simply that God's will be done, but that I might understand His will, that I might learn from the trials I'm called to go through and become perfected through them. I pray that my will and His will may become one.

Fatherly advice

Dad taught me a powerful lesson this last summer. He and mom were out for a visit and I was complaining to him about how frustrated I was with my roommates. Our kitchen was always dirty, with the sink overflowing with pots and pans. I was tired of pulling my weight and theirs along with it.

Dad’s advice to me wasn’t to try this tactic or that. He taught me something that he learned as a missionary from Stephen R. Covey. In life there are things that we have complete control over, others that we have limited control over, and ones which we have no control over. When our control is limited or non-existent, there is no point in getting worked-up about it. In the end we can’t do anything to fix it, so why stress out for nothing? I tried to keep that in mind for the rest of the semester, and things seemed to improve a little.

Last week I needed to run to the store quickly before my home teachers came over. One of my roommates really needed to buy a few things, so I invited her to come along, thinking she wouldn’t take long. I finished buying my things and waited for a few minutes before finally calling her. She wasn’t even close to being done, but I had fifteen or so minutes until my home teachers were going to come. As the time ticked away I started becoming more anxious and annoyed. I texted her, reminding her that we really needed to leave! I also texted another roommate warning her that I would probably be late.

I was sitting on a bench in the store and fighting to control my feelings when suddenly dad’s advice came to my mind. My roommate needed to buy those items that very night so she could make a meal she needed to. I couldn’t control that, so why get angry? Rather than be upset, I chose to let it go, and I waited patiently. I think she was a little afraid that I’d tell her off when she got through the check-out stand, but I wasn’t upset at all by that point.

Upon arriving at home 5-10 minutes later than I had been hoping to, I discovered that one of my home teachers was sick and that the other had come over simply to see how we were doing. I was so grateful that I didn’t hurt my sweet roommate’s feelings by becoming angry when in the end her tardiness didn’t matter. Even if my home teachers had come over and I’d been late, becoming angry wouldn’t have been worth it.

Sometimes in life we need to stop and remember what is truly important.

True happiness

Today I talked to my co-worker again. The last time we talked one-on-one was sometime in July when we went to lunch. She admitted to me that she’d been practically inactive all summer and had drunk twice in the previous week. There were complications with some other co-workers at her other job as well.

We had a nice looooooong talk. Most of the time it was simply her admitting that she knew she needed to talk to her bishop; she knew she needed to change her life. I just listened, and encouraged her to do what she knew was right. She talked to her bishop and felt a lot better. But the complications with her co-workers continued.

Her next visit with the bishop resulted in her being kicked-out of BYU. She was really disappointed, but as she’d told her bishop, she was willing to face the consequences for her choice. It was shortly thereafter that my phone died and I lost her number. We lost contact for at least a month if not longer.

Today we finally met up to have dinner together. Over the course of the visit I learned she is now living with her former co-worker. She’s not going to church, though she still believes in God. She said some really interesting things that caused me to think a lot.

First off, she had been inactive most of her youth, and only returned to church shortly after getting out of an abusive relationship. Her mother encouraged her to become active, and she did. She said that she felt like everything she had done over the past few years she only did because others expected it of her.

Second, she said that she had never felt happier than now.

It’s true that we shouldn’t do things simply for others. We can’t find happiness in living our lives the way our parents, friends, or church leaders want us to. We can’t even find happiness in living the way God wants us to. It is only in bringing our will in line with God’s that we can find that happiness.

As a child I remember thinking, “I don’t know that the church is true, but I know that my parents know it. One day I’ll know for myself, but for now, my parents’ testimony is enough for me.” Sometimes we have to rely on the faith of others when we find our own lacking, but we have to do all that we can to strengthen our own testimony so that we can stand alone when it is time.

Another thing that really got to me was that it brought back so many thoughts of Jonathan: “He’s happy the way he is now too. How will he ever come back?” Those thoughts haunt me, and I don’t have an answer. My co-worker came back in the first place because of a tragic situation. I pray that it won’t be another tragic situation that brings her back to the correct path someday. Nor do I hope it will take a tragedy to awake in Jonathan the testimony which he once had.

When we simply seek for God in times of need it is easier to abandon Him in times of plenty. We do not survive by eating a life’s worth of food in a year and then fasting for the remainder of our life. We eat every day! Why wait until we are spiritually famished to seek nourishment?

God will only give us as much as we are willing to receive. He pushes us to grow, and is patient with us when we fail. If we stop trying, He will not, nor can He force us to return. He gave us agency. He wills that every man might choose the right and thus return to His presence someday, but unless we make His will our own, we will never be truly happy in this life.

Learning from mistakes

Last week I experienced another first! Mom was trying to deliver some cheese to the Kurzers (the family that stayed with them in Tillamook for a few months). There was no parking on the side of the street available (at least not near their house), so we parked in a church parking lot despite the NO PARKING HERE sign that warned us we could be towed. I stayed in the car as Mom and Sheila went to deliver the cheese and visit for a little. Unfortunately Mom had the wrong address and couldn't find them. So she came back and called to get the correct address. On the second venture I decided to go with them, figuring the car would be fine. After all, I'd been there for 10 minutes and nothing happened. When we returned from the 5 minute visit, the car was gone.

The first thing I felt was fear that the car had been stolen. When we called and confirmed that it had been towed, the feelings were a mixture of relief and annoyance. For crying out loud, we'd only left the car unattended for 5 minutes! We weren't parking over night or attending a conference on campus! We were delivering a present to old friends!! Now we had to inconvenience the same people we'd just visited to get a ride to the towing company. Thankfully we were able to laugh at the situation, although the annoyance was still there a little.

As I thought back on the situation, I had to agree with my mother: we knew what the sign said, and we knew the risk we were taking. How could we be upset that something happened when we were already warned about it? How could we glare at or scold the towing man for doing exactly what the sign said he would? We couldn't be mad, not at them at least. We could be mad at or disappointed in ourselves, but not at them.

In life it is much the same way. Sometimes we push our luck, going out on limbs the Lord has warned us not to. We know the consequences attached to those choices, yet when justice comes, we are angry at God. How could God really let that happen to me? He didn't let it happen, we did. God gave us free agency so we could learn from our choices. If He were to shield us from the consequences of our actions, then what value would free agency be to us? We would learn nothing! To be honest, I'm grateful we were towed. I'm grateful that I was able to understand the importance of heeding the warnings we've been given. I only pray I will continue to heed those warnings and learn from the times I fail to do so.